For generations, society expected women to become homemakers. From a young age, girls were taught cooking, household management, childcare, and the countless responsibilities that came with running a family. Their preparation for adulthood was closely connected to their future roles as wives and mothers.
However, history also revealed the consequences of women's dependence. Social issues such as dowry-related abuse, financial vulnerability, and limited educational opportunities highlighted the need for change. Society gradually recognised that women deserved education, careers, financial independence, and the freedom to build lives of their own.
As a result, a new generation of women emerged.
Today's Gen Z women have grown up differently from many women of previous generations. They attended schools and universities alongside boys. They competed for the same opportunities, pursued careers, developed ambitions, and learned to be financially independent. Their upbringing encouraged them to dream, achieve, and stand on their own feet.
Yet a contradiction appears when marriage enters the picture.
Many families still expect modern women to instantly transform into the traditional homemakers of previous generations. A woman who spent her youth studying, building a career, and pursuing personal growth is often compared to mothers and grandmothers who were raised under entirely different circumstances.
This comparison is unfair.
The women of previous generations were trained from childhood to manage households. Their lives, responsibilities, and expectations were different. Modern women were trained to navigate education, careers, and financial independence. Both generations developed skills that reflected the societies in which they grew up.
If a modern woman can only cook a few simple meals while her husband possesses similar household skills, this is not evidence of failure on her part. It simply reflects the fact that both were raised in a world that prioritised education and professional achievement over traditional domestic training.
The real issue is not that women have changed.
The issue is that society has not fully adapted to those changes.
For decades, girls were encouraged to become educated, independent, ambitious, and financially secure. Society taught them to compete in classrooms, build careers, and create identities beyond marriage. Yet many boys were not raised with an equally important lesson: how to build a life with a woman who has grown up in the same world they have.
A modern woman has not spent her entire life preparing only for household responsibilities. She has spent her life studying, working, developing skills, pursuing goals, and navigating the same competitive world that men navigate. In many cases, her daily experiences before marriage are remarkably similar to those of her future husband.
Therefore, it is unrealistic to expect that immediately after marriage, she will possess all the traditional domestic skills that previous generations of women developed through a completely different upbringing.
The reality is simple: today's women often have the same level of household experience that today's men have.
If both partners grew up focusing on education and careers, then both partners enter marriage with similar strengths and similar limitations. One should not be expected to carry responsibilities that the other was never expected to learn.
This is where the modern challenge of marriage truly begins. Society successfully changed the way girls were raised, but it did not always change the expectations placed upon them after marriage.
Girls were taught independence. Boys, however, were not always taught how to become partners to independent women.
Many men still unconsciously compare their wives to their mothers. But this comparison ignores a crucial truth: their mothers and wives belong to different generations. Their mothers were raised in a society that prepared them primarily for household management. Their wives were raised in a society that prepared them for education, careers, and self-reliance.
A wife is not a replacement for a man's mother.
She is an individual with her own experiences, ambitions, strengths, and challenges.
The mindset with which boys are raised must now evolve alongside the mindset with which girls are raised. Boys should grow up understanding that their future wife is not coming from a different world. She has lived a life much like their own. She has faced examinations, career pressures, personal goals, and the challenge of becoming financially independent.
If a man expects his wife to know everything about managing a household, he must first ask himself whether he possesses those same skills. If both individuals were raised in similar circumstances, then both should be equally responsible for learning, adapting, and contributing to family life.
Marriage should no longer be viewed as an arrangement where one person manages the home while the other manages the outside world. In modern society, both partners often pursue careers, both contribute financially, and both face professional responsibilities. Therefore, both should contribute to maintaining the household and supporting family life.
The strongest marriages of the future will not be built on rigid gender roles but on teamwork.
Just as two people share dreams, they should also share responsibilities. Just as they support each other's professional growth, they should support each other in managing everyday life. Cooking, cleaning, caring for children, handling finances, and managing the countless details of daily living should not be seen as the responsibility of one gender but as the shared responsibility of two people building a life together.
Previous generations often needed providers because women had limited access to education, employment, and financial independence. Today's women are increasingly capable of providing for themselves. What many seek in marriage is not merely financial security but companionship, understanding, emotional support, mutual respect, and partnership.
The modern woman does not need someone to build a life for her. She is often capable of building that life herself. What she seeks is a companion, someone who understands her journey, respects her individuality, and is willing to walk beside her as an equal.
Society successfully taught girls how to become independent.
The next step is teaching boys that independence does not weaken marriage. It strengthens it. When two capable individuals choose to support one another, share responsibilities, and grow together, marriage becomes what it was always meant to be, not a relationship of dependence, but a partnership between two equals, building a life side by side.
Anushka Dutta
Author of the book-
Magic Inside You & Grace On My Plate
